Cornwall Part 3

The day before our last day in Cornwall Bronte, Chris, Kim and I went to the Eden Project (the others fancied a cider farm and walking).

The Eden Project is a large botanical garden with outside plants and then two biomes, one which creates a rainforest environment and one which creates a Mediterranean environment.

The tickets were about £30 which is pricey but you can visit as many times as you like for a year and walking around you could tell it must cost a lot for the upkeep. Everything was geared towards conservation and sustainability.

We had a nice morning ambling about the plants and reading the plaques. The Mediterranean Biome was a pleasant temperature and they hold weddings in there.

 The Rainforest Biome was boiling hot.

It had a waterfall and huge water feature which made it humid as hell, it had it’s own cold room you could rest in part way round. I think in the summer when there are a lot of visitors it must be horrible to queue in that heat.

Roul roul partridges live in the Rainforest Biome as well as lizards.

Once we were done and had had coffee and cake (vital part of all trips out) we took a ride back up to gift shop up a ridge in a tractor and we could see all of the gardens from above, it was built in an old mine.

After that we met Mum, her boyfriend Kerry, Charles and Ellen back at Crantock and took a trip down to the beach.

I made a highly artistic sand sculpture as I’m not much of a sunbather.

Then we looked round the caves and rock pools the others had found a few days before.

One of the caves had carvings in them, they had been head height but over time the sand had eroded away which made them look a lot higher up.

Charles and Chris headed up a sadly unsuccessful crabbing expedition which mainly involved them throwing bits of bacon in the water and poking rocks with a hot pink fishing net.

And then we walked back up the beach which took ages because it was a very large beach. We were lucky with the weather whilst we visited but the sea was freezing.

The next day we left Cornwall and drove back to Wiltshire.

We stopped off in Devon.

For a good old cream tea (for any American readers a cream tea is a pot of tea that comes with scones, clotted cream and jam – not tea with cream in it).

Once back in Devizes, Bronte showed Kim and I the miracle that is Derek’s Deals. Derek is the manager of a Spar shop who seems to have a lot of time on his hands and has become a cult figure in Devizes. Every week he releases a new youtube video every week detailing his savings often with a current affair theme. The video the week we went had Kim Jong Un in it.

Then we visited the white horse carved into the hill near my Mum’s house and petted the cows.

Mum drove Kim and I to Heathrow the next day, Harrods and a lot of the other shops were cashing in on the latest royal wedding. We picked up Kim’s Auntie Debbie a themed tea towel.

Our flight back was a day time flight this time and it was lovely, we had a nice lunch.

And watched some movies, although I was distracted half the flight wondering what the hell this man’s belt was supposed to be made of and why he thought that gold, silver and orange was a winning combination.

Then we had a little snackette before landing.

I had to have my photo taken a billion times re-entering the USA and made a game of it by pulling stupid faces until a security guard told me to stop smiling. Spoilsport. And that was our trip to England.

From Boston To London

We returned home from England Monday and I’ve been getting over a grotty cold ever since. I took my car Ruby to get an oil change this morning and noticed the mechanic had ‘You’ll never walk alone’ tattooed on his arm (from Liverpool Football Club) and it reminded me I hadn’t done my blog! We flew from Boston Airport, kindly Kim’s parents gave us a ride to the airport.

Logan Airport shops aren’t really as good as London airports, I never realised how good our airports in England were compared to other countries (except Norwich Airport which was truly shit). We shuffled through security like cattle and then headed off to browse the few shops. I found another Jesus magazine, like last time, no one in the store found this amusing except me. This is how I looked when waiting to board:

I think because it was a night flight the wait felt super long. Although we saw a little mouse scurrying about in the seating area that amused us for quite some time. I resisted the urge to buy something to feed it with.

Eventually we were able to board, amazingly for once I did not get seated near any children, let alone screaming babies. I think they must reserve this special treatment for when I fly alone, perhaps Kim broke the curse.

We flew with British Airways and got some little wines to make spritzers.

I like aeroplane food, I got a chicken curry although precisely the time it was served we got a lot of turbulence so trying to eat was quite funny jostling all over the place.

Eventually after lots of bumping about and crappy sleep we arrived at Heathrow.

They’d re-vamped the airport since I was last there with some English themed decorations… some of the decorations I think would be misleading to foreigners…

Then we traveled to my Uncle’s house in Upminster. My Uncle lives part of the year in Cyprus and his house was empty so he kindly let us stay for a couple of days which was nice because we got to visit with my Great Auntie Lily who lives in Barking and see my Mum’s cousin Elaine who we are close to.

On the Tuesday we made our way back into central London on the underground.

And we went for lunch in the Walkie-Talkie building with my brother, his girlfriend and my Dad who we almost didn’t recognise because he’d grown a beard!

I didn’t even realise you could go in the walkie talkie building but it had a beautiful sky garden and viewing platform. I think we went on quite a good day because you could see pretty far.

So we had a nice long lunch and a good catch up.

Charles had sorted us out train tickets to go to Wiltshire but we had some time to kill so we walked along the river Thames (pronounced ‘tems’ not ‘thay-mes’).

Uncle Jim had left us some vouchers for London attractions so I think we paid about £3.50 to go to the Clink prison museum.

For £3.50 it wasn’t bad and we got a silly photo for free afterwards.

The Big Move

Finally the day came that was the day of the big move from the UK to Connecticut! My dear chum Crissy insisted on driving me to Gatwick which was very kind of her after many proclamations of “I will not let my friend take that bloody coach to the airport!”. We had a jolly good road trip on the way up, it was Sunday so it was all 80s on one of the radio shows which was great for car kareoke but also not great because I had ‘we built this city’ by Starship in my head until I got Connecticut.

So we got there in one piece and I checked in, the guy at the desk let me check my small suitcase I was going to take as carry on which was great as I then had less to carry until afterwards I realised I had over $1,000 in the case completely unlocked… still it all came back ok so no harm done. Then I called my Mum, my brother Charles, Bronte my sister and my Great Auntie Lily to say bye, went through security and then I browsed duty free. I’d been looking for a certain type of perfume, do you ever do that creepy thing where a stranger walks past you and you smell their perfume and it’s really nice so you ask them what fragrance they’re wearing? Well I’d done that a couple of weeks before so I spent a good half hour trying out all the Marc Jacobs perfumes to find the exact one. For some reason Marc Jacobs has chosen to revenge himself against normal people by making all his bottles look roughly the same with flowers on them and picking almost exactly the same names for all the different scents which are completely different. For gods sake Marc Jacobs, sort your life out.

Meanwhile my buddy Joy had decided she’d have one of my sofas for her new house and I got sent this photo of them stuck… so it did my heart good to know that they were having fun haha.

Finally my gate got announced but there was a massive massive queue, it wasn’t so bad because I made a buddy in the line to chat to who was from Sturbridge (you might remember it from the historical village we visited last Christmas) and had been going to a wedding in Berlin so that passed the time.

I assured my new found buddy that I wasn’t looking forward to the flight because Norwegian Air was utterly useless last time I flew with them to JFK and besides I always got sat next to a screaming baby. And my prophecy was correct, the moment I sat down a screaming baby promptly arrived to sit in the seat behind me… I swear there is some sort of tracking beacon on me when I fly. It screamed… and screamed. And we waited on the tarmac for 2 hours because they wanted to check something in the cargo and then they had to fill out paperwork and then they had to refuel because they’d spent so much time fucking around so we were really late leaving.

All the movies were either bad or I’d seen them before so I rewatched a couple, amused myself by finding Coventry on the little airplane map by zooming in a million times, huffed at the mother of the screaming baby, listened to music, slept on and off where I assume I snored at my seat companions, feasted on my banquet of tastiness I bought in duty free. The plane ticket I’d bought was part of Norwegian Air’s new budget flights for long haul, think Easyjet – you pay for luggage, a meal, to pick your seat etc all extra. I wasn’t about to pay 30 quid for airplane food no matter how much I enjoy it.

We finally got into Boston airport and then because we’d left so late they didn’t have a gate for us to park the plane at so we waited again for about 40 minutes, suspiciously exiting the plane just 20 minutes before the time that the airline would have had to pay us compensation for the delay… I was meant to land at 7pm local time, I didn’t get off the plane until about 10pm. After that there was a long line to reach border control, everyone else just had their ESTA visas but I had a large sealed envelope for an immigration CR1 visa. As I moved closer in the queue you could see all the border control agents view the envelope with trepidation, they all went super slow to try not to get me, one guy went on his break, another pretended to take a phone call, all waiting to try not to get me. In the end I was waved over to the only agent smiling, the others all looked miserable as sin, I told him he was the only person there who looked cheerful “Oh I get that a lot” he said chuckling. It reminded me a lot of one of my favourite dystopian games Papers, Please but luckily there weren’t any issues and I was through.

Kimmy girl picked me up, I had insisted that she make me a sign to collect me or else I wouldn’t go with her and I wasn’t disappointed. When I got in the kitties were please to see me, my boy cat Barclay did a double take as though he couldn’t quite believe it was me then proceeded to climb my head with love. I think Kim’s girl cat was quite pleased too because the whole time she’s been back in America she’s refused any treats but as soon as I gave them to her she quite happily tucked in, little madam. All the luggage made it unharmed except my laptop that used to be Kim’s laptop has a very large dent in it… it seems to still work though so… easy come easy go?

The next day we took a trip to Kim’s hospital where she works to sort out my health insurance, only we didn’t sort it because they were really confused by the concept of the NHS. The house Kim bought is in Coventry which is a lake town so about 3 minutes down our street is this beautiful lake, the part of it we live next to has a little dock and a closed off swimming area so we paddled a bit.

Also we got some Hello Fresh to make some fun recipes whilst I settle in – this has been good to learn where Kim keeps all the kitchen stuff.

Today we were about the discover the joys of the social security office when the alert for Kim’s tyre pressure popped up, we went to inflate them (which Kim had no idea how to do!) and got greeted with this mad medieval looking device. I am not used to these air machines, in England they have a little digital display and you just enter in what pressure you want and the machine beeps when it’s done. This looked like it was used to inflate the wheels on penny farthings! Fred Flintstone probably stopped off to use this on the way to Bedrock. We went to two separate gas stations and they both had the same. It’s like a time warp.

 

Afterwards we went to the social security office where we waited for about an hour and I incited a rebellion. I made some buddies at the social security office (I always make a buddy) waiting in the line and we got chatting about how it wasn’t very confidential because people were going up to the window and you could hear all their business so they all said they were going to complain. I said I wasn’t going to complain because I was a foreigner and didn’t want to rock the boat. A girl there who looked about my age asked if Kim was my daughter, so I said I hope not as I married her… seriously, Kim is 26… I’d have to be about 45 for her to be my kid… do I look 45??? I’m not even 30 yet. Not amused. The girl looked like she wanted to be swallowed up into a hole in the ground and I would have pushed her. Pft. Had to explain Kim is just a midget.

 

Off to America

I’ve been off on my travels again, off to visit my lovely wife whilst we wait the year and a half plus for our visa… haha… fun times. I decided the coach was the cheapest easiest way to get to Heathrow so I parked Goldie (the car) in Norwich and I got to take a little nap on the way up on the way I passed a transit van in flames surrounded by about 6 fire engines… Dramatic.

 

Luckily I got to the airport unsinged and I decided to try out an airport lounge, it was about £30.

It was pretty good, there was a view of the runway and comfy chairs, newspapers, magazines, charging points. You could order free meals (well not really free you already paid for it) and alcohol.

There was also a big buffet with breakfast stuff and cakes.

And then before I knew it I was on the plane, I flew Virgin on the way out but Delta on the way home. Virgin was ok but I thought it would be better after seeing all their adverts, I wouldn’t go out of my way to fly with them again, they were just the same as anyone else.

I made a buddy on the plane so we weren’t bored because we chatted, she worked for a big radio show in the UK. I also watched Bad Neighbours 2 or Neighbours 2 depending on what country you live in.

I made myself a tasty little spritzer and had some chicken dish that was nice.

For some reason we also got a Fab ice lolly… I hadn’t had a fab since I was a child.

Then a little snack before landing, I’m just obsessed with aeroplane food. By the way, did you know cheese and pickle is an English thing? I found myself explaining at length to my father in law why it didn’t contain meat and that pickle was a sort of chutney… the rest of the world is clearly missing out is all I can say. Cheese and pickle for all!

When I got into Boston I had a welcoming committee (complete with sparkly welcome sign!). And I got to meet this little dog who’s so cute but so naughty.

Gatwick – JFK

You guys… My flight sucked, firstly I was super early to the airport and had loads of time to kill, and then whilst I was charging my phone I got accosted by some random man that looked like crocodile Dundee and then preceded to tell me his life story, literally down to his family tree. I then made my excuses to leave after I’d charged enough where upon he shook my hand and said his name was Rob and that it was lucky he’d got back to England at all as he’d had pneumonia for the last three weeks… Several liberal dousings of hand gel later I decided to wait at the gate.

I boarded the plane which was fully booked, not only did I have a screaming child in front of me… Check… His mother who hand her seat continually tilted back so I could see the tv (until I accidentally in purpose kicked bumped and pulled on her chair and this was rectified), check… Not only that but two randoms sat next to me who then went on to what I could only describe as a plane one sided romance.

I had the window seat, in the aisle seat was an American in her mid twenties flying back home and inbetween us we had Mr sanctimonious twat. A posh wannabe hipster who bored Miss America to death with his overbearing musical taste of what’s “decent these days”. Oh what a bell end. As I gathered from over hearing his pathetic attempts to woo poor Miss America he was going to study for a year in “Philly” only he knows that’s such a “preppy school” and “um yar, that’s totally not what I’m about, harhar”… Ok… Douchebag.

Then I watched the book thief which was actually very good… And then the meals. You guys I’m one of those people that love aeroplane food, I love the little tray with compartments and everything fits in it’s little area… Not this time. It sucked so much, firstly the crappy air hostesses stood next to Miss America, Mr sanctimonious twat and my row of seats and discussed at length if they had enough meals for us. Then we had no choice and all got chicken with rice which was worse than hospital food… I know because I work at hospital. If they NHS can afford decent food then why can’t an airline I’m paying bloody loads to? Although Mr sanctimonious twat obviously enjoyed it as he are both his meal and Miss America’s as both her and I declared it inedible.

When we landed it was 7.35pm.

When we got off the plane finally it was 8.30pm..

And after immigration it was 9.45, worst flight ever!!!!

Coming home

We took the Leonardo Express back to the airport from the Termini station in Rome and it was 14 euros which I thought was fairly reasonable for an airport transfer!

The airport has a little vitruvian man in it.

All the shops in the airport were expensive designer shops like Gucci and Prada, I took a look in Gucci – nothing had a price tag on it! I can only assume this is so that prospective customers do not vomit with horror inside the shop?

We reserved the seats right next to the emergency exit door and enjoyed spacious leg room all flight, ahhhh luxury. I also enjoyed the free Independent paper I got, amused me all flight!

The view was a bit crap though.

Nom nom nom.

And then my chums our Roman holiday was over, but I was glad to get back home to my cat – he was pleased too, here’s the best photo I managed to get between cuddles.

To read more about my holiday click the August tab on the right hand side and see my posts or click the “Rome” tag below.

Off To Italia

Well chums I’m back from Italia and I’m afraid I have rather a lot to show and tell so expect lots of holiday blog posts. After a little petting session with Mr Pussycat we set off to Heathrow.

The journey was rather rubbish, traffic everywhere, road works, lane hoggers but we eventually got to Heathrow. I do like Heathrow compared to the other London airports, it looks nice and modern and clean(er?).

We checked our bags relatively easily and quickly, we used the BA app to store our boarding passes etc on our smartphones. Next stop was duty free and we had a browse, I didn’t buy anything; I never do! I never think things are that much cheaper than the shops back home really.

Then we sat around at our gate and waited… and waited

Then it was time to board, hurrah! We had quite a nice plane on the way out where it was just two seats each side on the aisles and three in the middle and we got to pick our seats free so we had nice window seats without having to sit next to any randoms.

I like taking off and landing best, I really enjoy flying. Once you’re up in the cloud kingdom though there’s not so much to see.

We got amused on the flight by obnoxious Italian teens on a school trip drawing on their classmates faces. As you can see this lucky chap got a mono brow, side burns, a spectacular moustache and goatee.

We got some food on the flight too, but as it was only a 2 and a bit hour flight it was a full meal but my wrap was very nice.

As was the wine. I like all the little miniatures.

The boyfriend scored with 4 shots… he didn’t have them all on the flight though. I wonder if they give people free alcohol to make the flight a bit more enjoyable for the staff, lots of merry passengers.

Over the alps

And then to Rome

Phew!

And then, a scary transfer ride on Italian roads with the kamikaze mini bus driver… ahhhh!

To read more about my holiday click the August tab on the right hand side and see my posts or click the “Rome” tag below.